My relationship with the IT guy at work is as complex and torturous as Dante's nine-layered Hell. For one reason or another, I find him completely objectionable on a vast number of levels, and so when he lumbers into my field of vision as I am tap-tap-tapping away at whatever my boss has decided to throw in my direction, I use nothing more than minimal encouragers ("uh-huh," "I see" etc.) with the express purpose of getting him to STOP talking to me rather than urging him to go on.

Of course, it never works because SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T GET THE HINT.

A couple of days ago I was lucky enough to be catching the same train as him. I proved to be immune to his cunning questions designed to extract information from me (for example, "where are you going?" and "who with?") he got huffy and told me that I was too "guarded." I informed him that I was no such things, however I did have limits on what I told different people.

At this point, he tried to get me talking about subjects that make my flesh crawl when I think of him: "Have you ever considered all these ordinary-looking people on the train, and how they might be all sordid insatiable sex beasts in their private lives?"

I said that I had not, because I am as pure as the driven snow.

He said to me that he may not be a psychologist, but he was "able to tell when people were being condescending." At this point he raised his eyebrows in a way that seemed to see "oh yes, I have your number, you Sigmund Freud-wannabe."

"Oh really?" I said, and added that that was a very big word and would he like help writing it down? Hahaha!
"Oh really?" I said, and ended it there.

"Oh yes," said he, and raised his eyebrows again as if to say "and you go and think about THEM apples."

And now I'm not sure whether this guy is just able to tell the difference between condescension and downright unpleasantness or whether I really AM a terrible talk-down-toer. Damn him.